Even in San Francisco, where vegetarianism and veganism are very much alive and well much to my liking, it is still difficult for me to find vegan mayonnaise. Therefore, I have to settle with what WholeFoods has to offer. I can't help it, I love mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is the greatest flavor enhancer known to humans. It's better than chocolate. It's better than sex... Well, there are some nights when you just want to munch on something else other than youknowwhat.
I knew my mayonnaise had been running low. However, when I swiped the jar out of my designated private shelf, I was surprised to feel its weight. It had decreased so much more than I had remembered or anticipated. I opened the lid and looked inside. Oh hell, no: I was certain it had been at least 1/8 of the jar and when I opened it, it was only 1/10. Someone has obviously been eating my mayonnaise. Maybe I ought to poison it, a thought occurred in my mind.
Nevertheless, I was too hungry to investigate, and there was still enough mayonnaise to lather my toast with.
As I was making toast, Li, my Vietnamese friend came into the kitchen.
"Hey too! How're you doing?" I asked. He used to be my roommate before I moved to a single room.
"Good. I went to San Jose with my family this morning."
"Oh, that's nice! What did you do?"
"Nothing much, we just make cocaine..."
I actually stopped spreading mayonnaise on my toast and put the spoon down. I looked at my friend in disbelief.
"What... did you do? You made... cocaine with your... family?" I asked, trying to control my stutter.
"Yes! And you should try one of our cocaines! Here!" he said, taking out some white packages from his brown paper bag. I stood there, mesmerized. "Here's tofu dessert, and here's some sugar syrup! You have to try!" he continued.
I almost burst out laughing, yet I was able to compose myself and finally said, "Wow, I've never tried tofu dessert before! Does your family do lots of COOKING?"
"Yes," Li said proudly, "But just for fun. We don't sell these things," he opened one container of sweet, thick caramel liquid the color of maple syrup and honey and poured some into three shallow cylindrical plastic containers. Inside each container was white and creamy tofu. Looks like yogurt, I thought. "Here, for you!" he said, offering not one, not two, but all three portions of the togurt (Yes, togurt. I completely made that up).
"Wow! Thanks! I'll definitely try this tonight!" I said as I rushed to label my yummy dessert.
"You're welcome! I'll see you in school tomorrow!" he replied and left.
I carefully taped the three containers one on top of another and stuck the label firmly on top. I may have lost some of my mayonnaise, but I'm absolutely not going to let anyone take this sweet, sweet, sugary tofu.
In fact, I'll try one tonight. Tofu, I mean. Not that white powder stuff.