on losing

So I've lost two things now. I've lost one of my rings when I was washing the dishes and then my bluetooth stereo headphone when I was moving my things to my new room.

When I went home last Wednesday, I almost died. I could lose the ring and the headphone, but I can never lose my doll.

Her name is Kitty. She's been with me ever since I was in the sixth grade. I actually got her as a replacement for another doll named Kucil. I lost Kucil months before I got Kitty and when I lost Kucil, I felt like a part of me went with him. And I think I also lost a chunk of innocence when I lost him. I learned about losing and how to cope with it. I think I cried for weeks.

Kitty has come with me to many places in the world. She's been to England, France (twice), Greece, Italy, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, and now she's here in San Francisco.

The thing is, the linens are replaced either every Wednesday or Thursday. I can never seem to remember. I always tuck Kitty in whenever I go to school. Usually during housekeeping days, I'd put her in the drawer with my clothes. However, that Wednesday I was late for school and I remembered that the week before, housekeeping was on Thursday, so I assumed that it would also be Thursday (the day after) and I just tucked Kitty in bed.

When I got home, I got new linens and Kitty was gone. I was hysterical. I went downstairs to the RA's (residential advisors) and they told me ask the cleaning ladies who were on the 5th floor. The cleaning ladies speak only Spanish and little English but they told me they had to check the laundry first, which is, thankfully, done in the same building. I filed a lost report on the front desk and then went back to my room. When I went out, the cleaning ladies had gone home and so I had to spend one night without Kitty, without knowing if she really was in the laundry with my linens, or lost forever. I shut my body down and just sleep. I didn't even bother to clean my eye make-up (I've started painting my nails black, worn chunky rings, and put on black eye shadow). I just slept.

I tried not to be panic when I went downstairs the next morning and asked if someone had turned in a kitten doll and the front desk girl shook her head. So I tried to eat something; I didn't eat anything for dinner. When I was done and ready to go to school, I saw the cleaning lady and I asked her about Kitty. She asked me my room and I answered my room number and she said she'd return it to my room. Although somewhat unsure, I still went to school.

When I returned, Kitty was there on my drawer.

So I went to Britex Fabrics on Geary Street to buy ribbons for Kitty and guess what I fooooooound... A VELVET BLACK ROSE!! Which was so pricey but I just had to buy it anyway.

I'd never going to go back to Britex Fabrics. It made me broke! Here the thing: It's situated smack dab in the middle of posh boutiques (Saks Fifth Avenue, Chanel, Armani, Macy's, you get the idea) in Union Square. It has 4 floors of PURE AWESOMENESS! You can get all kinds of fabrics, ribbons, buttons, just anything. But yeah, it is very expensive. Although, then again, I haven't gone shopping for a very long time and I have made a promise to Kitty and I've always wanted a black rose (AND IT'S FRIGGIN' VELVET!!) for my new Tribal Fusion costume, so... Yeah. Hahaha...

Oh, and there was another anti-Mubarak demonstration. It was bigger than the last week one in Market Street, though. This time they had a march. Someone actually brought a doumbek and played a Beledi rhythm.